That Awkward Moment
by Retronym
Summary: All kids understand the dread of having to face one's angry parents later on. Oedipus is no different. (A thing for English class. It started off as a serious idea, then...well, you'll see.)


**Okay, so in English class we were assigned the task of writing a short story or poem about Oedipus meeting his parents in Hades after he dies, because that's bound to happen. My idea started off fairly serious, and then...yeah, then this happened. Enjoy, I guess.**

That Awkward Moment

Most children understand the dread brought about by the prospect of a parental confrontation. They get in a fight with them before leaving for school and now the child has to face the wrath of their parents upon returning. "Oh my God," they complain, "My mom's gonna be soooo ticked. Ugh, she's probably going to ground me. My life sucks."

However, at least they did not send their parents to hell by being born under a prophecy saying that they will kill their father and marry their mother, which they then unwittingly do and fall into ruin as their mother kills herself and they stab out their own eyes before being cast into exile.

I don't know why they're complaining, really.

In the Underworld, Hades sat at a desk in his throne room, muttering to himself as he sifted through troublesome paperwork. It was another typical day in the home of the Lord of Death, deceased souls flowing ceaselessly through the gates to the Underworld and being sorted into the various areas of the afterlife. Therefore, Hades was once again stuck in his office-throne room dealing with all the paperwork required to account for all those little buggers that were entering his domain.

As Hades contemplated whether or not to get one of his ghostly servants to do this work and take a break, one of said servants entered the room. He drifted over to where Hades was seated and bowed low. "My Lord," the ghost said in a wispy voice, "I bring good news from the gates."

Hades looked up. "Oh good!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "I like good news. Do tell."

"The former king Oedipus is entering our domain. He has finally perished."

"Aw yeah!" said Hades, punching the air and accidentally knocking a stapler off his desk. "I have been waiting for this for _soooooo_ long. Don't let him go through the gates quite yet, bring him here. I wanna talk to him real quick."

"As you wish," sighed the ghost, and he drifted out again. A few minutes later, he returned, this time accompanied by another ghost with a worn face and ruined eyes.

"Here is Oedipus, my lord," said the ghost, bowing again.

"Great! Thanks, Mac."

The ghost rolled his eyes. "My lord, my name is Methodius."

"Aw, don't be so uptight, Mac. Anyway, you can leave now. Goodbye!"

Methodius muttered something under his breath, probably lamenting about having a whackjob for a boss, before leaving again. Oedipus just stood and stared blankly in front of him, evidently still not able to see. _Let's fix that,_ thought Hades, and with a snap of his fingers the former king's eyes healed themselves.

Oedipus blinked in shock. "What is this?" he asked. "Why do you allow me to see?"

"Because I have an awesome plan for your punishment, Oedipus…say, can I call you Eddie?"

"No."

"See, Eddie, I want you to have one hundred percent clear vision for the beginning of your particular punishment for denying the gods. I think I'm gonna watch this part. In fact, let's go now!"

Hades snapped his fingers again, and he and the ghost of Oedipus were teleported away from the throne room. They reappeared in a vast black field filled with patches of flame, where the sounds of pained souls could be heard in the distance. Hades quite enjoyed the noise. It was like the ocean for him. However, now he and Oedipus were not alone. Before them stood two other figures, one a tall man, the other a frail woman. They were, of course, King Laius and Queen Jocasta, the dead parents of Oedipus himself.

They gazed at each other, and the silence was almost palpable. Jocasta clung to Laius's side, while the king looked wary. Oedipus's eye twitched. The Lord of Death stood behind Oedipus, his expression making it clear that he was enjoying the internal agony of the three souls. It was probably, indeed, the most awkward family reunion ever to occur in history. He could almost feel Oedipus's sanity going.

After what felt like a couple eons of absolute silence, Hades spoke up. "Is that any way to greet your parents, Eddie?" he asked gleefully. "I mean, you only eternally screwed them over…well, Jocasta in more ways than one, eh?" He giggled. Oedipus's eye twitched again, making him look slightly deranged.

After a few more moments, Oedipus sighed. "I hoped that I would never have to see this moment," he said, almost to himself. "But I knew that I would have to face it. I only wish I were still blind, so I would not be able to see the horror on my parent's faces."

Laius blinked. "'Still blind'? What are you talking about?"

"My eyes were ruined when I died. I had stabbed them out in anguish."

Jocasta tutted like an angry mother hen. "Didn't you ever learn not to mess with sharp objects? I need to see Merope about this, didn't she teach you _anything?_"

"It was a grieving attempt to punish myself for my foolishness," explained Oedipus.

"Didn't do much for ya, did it?" interjected Hades.

Oedipus looked annoyed, but he chose to ignore the comment and continue, "I lived in shameful exile until my death, and…" He swallowed hard, as though about to say something very difficult to admit. "…and I know it will never be enough, but I am sorry. I am a fool. My greatest regret is that I doomed you with my very existence. I was blinded by arrogance, and thus it became too late to save your souls or mine, and for that I am sorry. You may never forgive me. I understand."

Hades could see he truly meant what he said. He narrowed his eyes in interest. _Halfway there._ He waited for Laius and Jocasta to respond.

Laius made a half-step forward. He had an expression on that was rather foreign to his proud face: sincere guilt. "It is not all your fault. Not at all. You were simply cursed. It was…it was our fault that we tried to deny what was destined to occur. If I had not tried to tamper with your fate…perhaps you and those you love would not have had to suffer as much as they did in the fulfilling of the prophecy. It is us who should be sorry…son."

Oedipus's newly restored eyes, having recently not wanted to lay upon his parents, were now kind of wet. Well, as much as they could be, as he was a ghost. Jocasta was looking tearful as well, but the tension between parents and child seemed to be gone.

Hades clapped his hands together gleefully. "Oh, well done!" he applauded. "It's painful to say your sorries, isn't it? I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now! It's absolutely disgusting, I kind of hate it. Anyway, I've been waiting for _years_ to hear that from you guys. I am impressed. Recognizing your mistakes is a step in the right direction! 'Course, you've gotta stay here still. I'm the Lord of Death, I've got to respect my own rules. Plus, Eddie was pretty much destined to be punished in the afterlife, and we've learned our lesson about messing with fate, haven't we?" Hades winked and giggled. "But you guys can hang out and stuff. You've grown on me. Perhaps you can come over for a few games of cards in my palace on Saturdays, we totally turn up in there."

Oedipus and his parent exchanged looks, unsure but not altogether displeased. Oedipus then asked, "Why does the Lord of Death speak in such a strange manner?"

Hades scoffed. "Because I'm cool, oldie."

"You are immortal."

"And you're a momma's boy."

Oedipus flinched, and Hades smirked. "You guys crack me up. Anyway, have fun you three! You can go chill with all the other folks. Oh, and Eddie, I also told your parents about that time you snuck out of your home at night to meet a girl while you were living with Polybus. You can talk to them about that."

Oedipus scowled.

Things went relatively well from there, as well as things can go in the fiery hell of the Underworld. The parents and son/husband got along fairly well, save for the occasional awkwardness of the whole "son-had-your-children" snag. They did indeed come every once in a while for a good game of cards, and they did indeed turn up (at least, Hades did). Oedipus's sanity wasn't faring incredibly well, but he was pretty happy nonetheless. Jocasta introduced him to Sisyphus, and the two of them became pretty good friends. It was inevitable that Oedipus was then introduced to Sisyphus's boulder, and Hades heard that the two struck off well. Perhaps he'd get them on a date sometime. Though they were still technically suffering eternal punishment, it was about as good as that could get. It was most likely the fact that the guilt of their sins had been rectified. It's never too late to apologize, even when you're all in hell's inferno.

The very thought make Hades feel all warm and fuzzy inside again. Gross.


End file.
